In case you didn’t notice, the alliterate one is buying ads for her book that look like unbiased reviews.

Meghan Markle

Book: The Bench

Read the savage review below

Meghan Markle has written a children’s book. It’s awful

My first job was at a children’s publishing company that specialised in picture books. Famous ones. About going on bear hunts, and wondering where Wally was, and a little bear who couldn’t sleep. When one author came in to see my editor, and wanted to try out a picture-book idea, I was roped in from the adjoining desk to type the text as he read out lines for the story he had written on the journey to London. It was the draft of Owl Babies, about Sarah and Percy and Bill, a book that became a modern classic.

I learned a lot during that time, working with authors and illustrators. Most of the books I worked on had probably fewer than 150 words. The magic of a classic picture book is the spark that ignites between its deceptively simple text and the accompanying illustrations. These are books you could not imagine having different words or drawings – they are pages children never tire of.

The Bench, by Meghan Markle – aka the duchess of Sussex – with illustrations by Christian Robinson, has 169 words. It’s the right length. The pages of this hardback book are nicely large. There is a cute surprise when you remove the jacket: the cover underneath resembles wood – as in the bench of the title – and has “H + A” carved into it. That would be Meghan’s husband, Harry, and son, Archie, for those who may need reminding.

There are sweet dogs any child would want to pet, and some random chickens. The illustrations as a series are a bit disjointed, but that is because those 169 words are extremely disjointed.

The one job the text in a children’s book needs to do is to tell a story. There is no story in The Bench. Nothing happens. It is a long list of disparate statements.

“He’ll learn to ride a bike
As you watch on with pride.”

And

“You’ll love him.
You’ll listen.
You’ll be his supporter.”

And so on.

There is none of the consistency a picture book needs to have, so that the child is clear about who is who. On one page the father figure is called “papa”. On another page he’s suddenly “daddy”. That’s confusing for a child. Names of characters need to stay the same throughout the very few words in a picture book.

The worst crimes of all are contorted lines that don’t scan and rhymes that don’t rhyme.

“He’ll feel happiness, sorrow
One day be heartbroken.
You’ll tell him ‘I love you’
Those words always spoken.”

Those words always spoken? Who speaks like that? Nobody does. Simple stories for children should not butcher a language they are trying to learn. Picture books should help children to read, and use the words they hear around them, not put things back to front in a poor effort at forcing a nonexistent rhyme.

Endings in picture books are incredibly important. They wrap up the story. They reassure. Sometimes they amuse. Ideally, they make a child want to read the story again, or have it read to them. This is the ending of The Bench, spread over no fewer than six pages, with two sets of ellipses:

“Right there on your bench
The place you’ll call home…
With daddy and son…
Where you’ll never be ’lone.”

Where you’ll never be ’lone? Does Meghan mean “alone”? Why change the word? It’s not even as if chopping off a character makes some awful rhyme. It does nothing. The book ends with a word that isn’t a proper word, which I guess is kind of fitting, as it’s not a proper picture book.

Meghan Markle apparently wrote some version of these 169 words as a private message to her husband after the birth of their son. That is a lovely sentiment, and that is also where the words should have stayed: private.- Source

The Bench receives a disappointing blow as critic dismisses Meghan Markle’s book as a ‘self-help’ manual

The Bench by Meghan Markle has garnered some less-than-positive reviews in the wake of its release today, with one critic even panning it as a ‘self-help manual’ rather than a children’s story.

The Duchess of Sussex delighted fans last month with the announcement of the launch of her first book, which was penned in dedication to her Prince Harry and their toddler Archie. The Bench invites readers into the couple’s lives as parents to a young child, documenting the special bond between a father and his son through the eyes of a mother. It also features plenty of vivid watercolor illustrations by Christian Robinson, an award-winning artist based in California.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Meghan will be receiving any accolades for her writing debut any time soon. The Bench hasn’t been met with the same excitement its launch announcement prompted, as critics begin to detect the faults that lace the 40-page story. The most egregious error, according to one review, is its failure to appeal to its target audience—children.

“It reads as if it has been penned as a self-help manual for needy parents rather than as a story to entertain small kids,” writes Alex O’Connell in the Times.

The arts editor goes on to condemn Meghan for placing ‘a therapy couch’ built for adults at the center of the book, rather than creating a story of ‘darkness and light’ for children below the age of 7.

“It lacks the crucial ingredients for a successful tale for this age group: a good story and basic rhythm,” she argues.

“Inevitably, spotting the roman à clef becomes the main point of interest for adult readers.”

Not everyone was so harsh on The Bench though.

The Evening Standard’s Emily Phillips gave the book a much more gracious review, praising Meghan for her “soothing, loving” narrative style. She also admitted that the poignant tale, although “schmaltzy” at times, had pulled on her maternal heartstrings and even reduced her to tears in its final pages.

“There I was blubbing, like the mother pictured looking out at the suspiciously Prince Harry-ish dad in his military uniform swinging his child high on an emotional return from duty,” she writes.

Ending on a “sentiment of togetherness”, the book left Emily reaching for tissues and eagerly awaiting the sequel. “I for one am looking forward to reading what Meghan has in store for Lil Diana,” she added. – Source

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