This singer’s team has a singular purpose right now: come up with an excuse to explain why he is behaving so badly and why he is missing work commitments.

They tried the let’s-blame-everyone-else strategy.

Badly-behaved fans, intrusive media, mean bloggers, stupid critics, aggressive paparazzi, traitorous friends, and the unrelenting pressure of being famous were all fingered.

However, it didn’t work because they tried tagging too many parties.

It just made him look petulant and thin-skinned.

They can’t simply admit that our singer literally spends HOURS every day consuming mood-altering substances, so they have to come up with something that creates sympathy. Like a medical excuse!

Chemical imbalance?

Reaction to some medication?

Bipolar, depression, ADD, thyroid disorder, premenstrual syndrome?

Whoops, scratch that last one.

We don’t know what it’s going to be.

All that matters is that they pick something that will make people stop calling him a spoiled brat who needs reh*b… and start treating him like the unique baby snowflake he is.

Then his next meltdown will generate sympathy instead of eyerolls.

Justin Bieber


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