She is at a stage in her life where she doesn’t know what to do.

This blind is a little different from most.

I just wanted to give you some insight into what some performers go through when they make it big.

I first met this foreign born former A list singer a few days before the Grammy Awards the year Rihanna got beat by Chris Brown.

It was a strange night.

I remember it well considering how much I had to drink.

A shocking amount even for me.

The kind of night where you are so drunk you call a locksmith to help you get in the house even though your parents are asleep in the house and you could presumably knock.

Still don’t know what happened to the keys. It was a night where I got kissed on the cheek by Rihanna as I held a door open for her.

I know Chris Brown was there but I don’t remember seeing him.

I do remember going to the bar at this still way overpriced club and asking for a drink.

No drinks there under $15.


I think I might have whispered f**kers when the bartender brought my drink and the tab.

She said she liked the way I said f**kers.

With her accent, I told her I liked the way she said it while trying to sound American.

We drank.

A lot. Each time the bartender brought us a drink we said f**kers.

It was funny at the time.

I found out later that she actually paid for all the drinks that night.

At some point she told the bartender to put everything on her tab.

It is hard to say anything bad about someone who bought you drinks all night.

Or the next night.

I think the following night after that was the Grammy Awards.

I didn’t see her for a few days after that but then we hung out a couple of more times right after.

At the time I met her, she seemed great.

She was drinking as much as me, if not more.

People would stop her and she would freak out a little bit.

This fame thing had come out of nowhere.

By this time she had been dealing with it for about a year and she didn’t seem to be dealing with it very well.

She was fine going up to someone, but hated being stopped just randomly because she didn’t know what to say or how to react.

She just wanted to sing and perform and had no idea what to do.

A short time after we met she went on to finish her tour and we would text from time to time but she was in Asia and working and the time thing never seemed to really get sorted out.

She came back to the US and we hung out a bit and I saw her last show of the tour.

Turns out it was the last show she ever played.

Kind of.

There have been a couple of one off things, but not much else.

Her label wanted another record but she said she just wasn’t into it.

She had no heart to put out something that would make her have to go out there and face people again.

Plus, there was part of her I think that was afraid to fail.

That her next record would bomb so why even put something out.

It did pretty much bomb.

I think she was relieved.

Dropped by her label and free to do what she wanted.

She became a recluse.

She dated from time to time but guys wanted to go out and she wanted to stay home.

Away from everyone.

She told me she basically tried to stay inside for four years.

At that point she figured most people wouldn’t recognize her any longer.

She is at a stage in her life where she doesn’t know what to do.

She loves singing, but doesn’t want to tour.

She is literally scared of any kind of success that would make her feel fame again.

She does some acting, but only wants minor roles.

She is willing to write and sing, but only for projects and not for herself.

So often we talk about people wanting to be famous or if you signed up for acting you signed up to be famous.

Sometimes though someone has no idea what fame really is until they are living it and it turns out they want no part of it and basically give up everything they thought they wanted to do because they dislike fame so much.

One thing that hasn’t changed is when we go out we still say f**kers every time someone brings us a drink.

Grammys: “Mercy” 2009


Do you believe it?

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